A nursing mother.

I am a nursing mother. This feels a little awkward to write about and that’s why I’m doing it. I never knew what being a nursing mother was like until suddenly I was one, partially because it’s not something we talk about as a society.

Disclaimer: If you feel awkward, feel free to stop reading but I would love if you continued on anyways.

It’s not my job to shove breastfeeding education down people’s throats or to accommodate them because they feel uncomfortable. It is my job to be authentic about who I am and my experience as a mother. My silence just perpetuates the idea that it’s not something to be seen, heard, or talked about.

Breastfeeding is like a microcosm of motherhood as a whole.

It’s a confusing, overwhelming, consuming, frustrating, at times lonely, but overall rewarding experience. You are responsible for the well-being of this little creature and the decisions you make throughout the day have a direct effect on their functioning. Too much coffee, they might get fussy. Too much spicy food could give them gas (luckily this is not the case for Elijah). Work out too hard and your supply decreases or your milk tastes funny. If they have lactose or gluten intolerance or acid reflux… God bless you with the dietary restrictions you may have.

Then, you get to have those “snapshot moments” when you just want to press pause and soak it all in. I hold my calm little boy and feel gratitude for this moment to cuddle him, nourish him, and help him grow. I get to meet his half milk-drunk smile and kiss his forehead. Moments like those make me want him to stay little forever. They help me to keep going when he wakes up throughout the night, when he wants to pay more attention to everything going on around him than eating, and when (gulp) he experiments with biting.

I am 8 ½ months down, 3 ½ months to go. I am so ready to be done and a little sad for those snapshot moments to end. Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve made it this far and sometimes I want to throw my pump out the window because it feels never ending.

Feel free to share your own thoughts or experiences.